DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
