I think my vagina is haunted
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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