She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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