I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
