god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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