last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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