PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
