seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
