I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
