Why are handjobs necessary in class?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
