so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
