Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
what is it with giant penises always finding me
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
