i think my tv is drunk
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
