Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
i believe in u and ur pee
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