I just pynch a tree in the face
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
