Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
