I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
