Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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