i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
