someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
