Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
