I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
