She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
