and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
