Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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