I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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