Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
