Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Just invented taco cereal.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
