At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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