It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
