I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
