I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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