I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
