please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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