she was so not down for the gang bang
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
