I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
