When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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