The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
