can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
