Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm like, not good at living.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize