i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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