At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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