The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I think my moral compass just broke
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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