I could have mohawked her pubes.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
