He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
My feet surprised me
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
