Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
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you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
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At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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