I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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