Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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