saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
