Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
