I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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