And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
