The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
