I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I want a musical about memes.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
