I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Success! We fucked roommates!
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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