So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
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If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
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I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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