just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
