Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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