I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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