Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
