Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
