It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
