Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
This house was built for laser tag.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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