So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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