Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
