I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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