someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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