She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
