I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
