He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
